My friend Jill and I woke our monsters up at 5:30am last Saturday morning so that we could all drive to Mayfair and see Barack Obama. It was totally awesome.
Archive for the 'parenthood' Category
At the CSA pick up last week, we had pick-you-own oregano, chives, thyme, edible marigolds and wildflowers. While I clipped the herbs, AC hit the flowers. He was unusually into his task; I finished with the herbs, got our bags from the distribution center and still had to wait on him. I enjoyed watching him walk up and down the rows and rows of flowers, moving quickly but thoughtfully, obviously with intent.
Any mother of an 11-year-old boy (or former 11-year-old boy) will tell you that surely, I must have been hallucinating. But I swear, I was not. He was focused and when he had finally found the last perfect bloom and headed over to me, I could see that he couldn’t help but let a little proud grin slip. He held out the bouquet to me, his face grimy from a day at the skatepark, and smiled at me expectantly. In that moment, with our hands outstretched and fingers touching just for an instant, an energy passed in the space between us, creating an absolutely electrifying link — a connection that has been so rare lately.
Immediately, my heart melted as the past 11 years flashed before my eyes. Visions of catching fireflies in glass jars on summer nights, fistfuls of sweaty dandelions, this little wild thing, my son, climbing, running, wanting me to look! look! and run! play! with him. Sucking in life, yelling, jumping and always finding a pebble or flower or leaf to bring home to his mom. So many moments…
It seemed like an eternity passed, then poof… there we were again at the farm. Before me, a little man. Still my son, though one I thought I’d lost to the depths of the tween age, finding pride and joy in the simple act of picking flowers for his mom. I pulled them close and examined each bloom. God they were gorgeous. It was as if he had gone into each row, looked at every single flower, then took only the prettiest one. It was a bouquet of such vibrant colors, a huge array of textures and shapes, pointing this way and that, almost vibrating with life. I can’t help now but to see the reflected image of that bouquet in his personality.
These past few months have been difficult as Avery pulls away and tests limits seemingly hourly. Did I mention that I had to promise him a bag of trail mix in exchange for posing for this photograph? Totally worth the three pics I got, but sheesh — what a little shit! I realize it’s all natural, normal, he’s-getting-older stuff, but it still hurts, and for the first time in our relationship, I feel disconnected. My, how it stings.
I will take my grace where I can find it, and am so grateful for this small gift. I’ll try to remember it the next time I want to wring his skinny little neck. Which, if in accordance with recent history should be in about 17 minutes.
My monster turns 11 today. Eep! Of course, I can hardly believe it.
He brought in fruit kabobs for a class snack, and we put together favors for each of his classmates that includes a pencil case, some tchotchke and a party invitation. He was going for a penguin/sports theme, but alas, we were hard-pressed to find any skateboarding penguin pencils. Shocking, I know.
Tonight, we’re off to a Sixers game, to which he we told him, he could invite a friend. We also invited that friend to sleep over. That’s right, ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. Because we’re awesome like that.
Sunday, we’ll do the traditional dinner, gifts and cake at my mom’s house. By the way, despite the awesomeness we JUST acquired with the school night sleepover, we’re actually really mean because he has to wait FOUR WHOLE DAYS for his gifts. Poor baby.
The football-, lacrosse-, basketball-playing skateboarder:
The goes-with-me-everywhere, loves-to-visit girl:
Sigh. They’re the best! :)
I was reading through the forums at the MotheringDotCommune website (the online forums for Mothering Magazine) and came across an interesting thread titled “Any Moms of an Only Child.” I was intrigued for two reasons. Number one, because I have an only child, heh. And Number two, because I’ve found my only child scenario to be very different than those of my closest friends (both online and off) who either have several children or none.
Now that I think about it… I don’t think I know any moms of one. Huh.
Anyway, finding this thread prompted me to add my voice, which kind of caught me off guard. Not the adding my voice part, that’s rarely a problem, but the adding my voice to this particular subject. Considering, apparently, that all my friends are either one extreme or the other, one would think the topic would’ve come up. It almost seems taboo, or at the very least, to be a sensitive subject to approach.
But why?
We’re talking about such a basic topic here. Maybe it falls too close to sex and/or religion and/or politics? Even so, the reproduction of the human race greatly effects so much of this planet and society, how can we not talk about it?
At any rate, clearly the thread got me thinking. Too bad for you, eh?
There were so many reasons why the moms chose to be moms-to-one: sustainability of the earth; having the ability to travel said earth more easily; experiencing a difficult pregnancy or infertility issues; not having the resources (time, money, energy) to afford more children; just plain wanting one kid; and on and on.
Of course this is all one-sided, and what would be really interesting (to me, because I’m selfish like that) is to hear why people choose to have more than one or none. Obviously, I can relate pretty easily to the moms about having an only, and it’s nice to find a tribe of ladies in a similar situation as my own, but hearing differing opinions and thoughts makes for a way richer head trip, don’t you think?
And so, in conclusion (that was for you, kah)…
Really though, in the name of self-awareness, honesty and mindfulness, I’m copying my reply posted to the forum, and placing it here on my blog. It’s neither long and detailed, nor very opinionated, it’s just more than I would normally put here, and for no good reason. Important topics are sometimes hard to talk about. Like MPG’s and plastic bags and veg*nism and chocolate. Wait chocolate isn’t hard to talk about. Though it’s VERY important!
By the way, for all this disclosure, you can thank St. Francis and OMSH for their recent inspiration.
Hi, everyone!I’m a single momma to a 10-year-old monster. There are lots of reasons why I’ve chosen to have only one child, all of which have evolved and changed over the years. Currently, my primary reasons involve sustainability and durability of our planet. No explanation needed I’m sure, as I see many of those reasons listed here
Of course, I’ve found being a single mother affects my decision greatly, as well. Becoming unexpectedly pregnant as a teenager determined that my son and I would be faced with some unique challenges, and that things might not be as easy as they could’ve been had I done things in a more traditional manner. Overall, I love being a mom and I don’t regret a single moment of it. That’s not to say that things haven’t been nearly completely overwhelming (financially, emotionally, spiritually) many, many, many times over the past ten years. Though I wouldn’t want trade any of it for a second, and I know that my son and I have an amazing relationship because of it, I certainly don’t have the desire to repeat it
I appreciate the general sense of control and manageability that comes with one child, which is also something I’ve seen mentioned here, and is especially important to me not only as a single parent, but one who works full time out of the house. I can’t imagine having to not only shuttle two kids around to lessons, practices, etc., but also afford everyone’s interests. And in the middle of it all, still have the energy, time and money to hit the gym and cook healthy meals. In my house, I feel like we’re already using all of our resources and adding another life would cause something (like sanity?) to suffer. I’m in awe of how parents make it work.
Also, I’m pretty sure fighting with one kid about bedtime/homework/showering/incessant texting/picking scabs at the dinner table/et. al. is just plenty for me. We all know what a mess one kid can make, I don’t need to experience the carnage three or four little monsters could cause on a daily basis. I mean, isn’t it generally a good idea to not be outnumbered?
It’s funny because I absolutely love when my house is full of kids. I enjoy the loudness and energy and happiness and even the mess
I just don’t think I’d love it every day.
Eh, who am I kidding? The real reason why I’m not having any more children is because the one I already have is my favorite. We’re not supposed to have favorites - I mean, really, what kind of mom would I be if I had another?!
PS: I do know two other mommas of one - Amy and Leanne, AC’s bro’s mom (bro below)!
I have a couple thoughts regarding the whole momma thing…
One, my monster shaved his head:
Two, he’s now in fifth grade and wearing deodorant.
I think these things, along with the gf, can be connected, yes?
Eep. I am so not ready for this.
May I have my child back?
Please?
So, uh.
Avery has a girlfriend.
…
?!
Is it September yet?
- Injury sustained Wed., July 11:
Cause: failed landing of a board slide at the skate park.
- Injury sustained Thu., July 12:
Cause: bailed off his skateboard trying to land a nine-step jump at the skate park (for the record, he landed it several times first; this was from his fourth or fifth attempt).
- Injuries sustained Tue., July 17:
Cause: a game of man hunt involving 10pm darkness, gravel and a pothole.
- Injury sustained Sun., July 22:
Cause: street skating.
In order to lighten the mood and ease the stinging of washing fresh wounds, I’ve been distracting AC with the camera, promising a special flick’r set of just his busted up self.
‘Cause I hear that’s what all the good moms do.
FDR skate park in Philadelphia especially rocks because it represents the awesomeness that a group of passionate people can accomplish. In the mid-nineties, when skateboarding was banned from Love Park, the city tried to make nice with the skateboarding community by donating a piece of land in FDR Park (Broad and Pattison Streets) below an I-95 overpass for a new skate park.
Unfortunately, their half-assed efforts (the construction of two pyramids and a grindbox) proved to only further piss off the skaters.
Fortunately, the anger was transferred positively, and fueled the skating community to build their own park.
Like any grassroots project, especially those headed by such a strong willed population, the construction of FDR skate park had many ups and downs and lots of drama. In the end, a pretty amazing concrete park emerged, thanks to the fundraising and volunteer efforts of the skateboarders. There’s an excellent article about FDR here. I do hope that the second generation of skaters at FDR (Avery, et. al.) appreciate those who came before them, rose up to the Man, and took care of business.
We went on Saturday, the boys to skate and me to take photographs of them, the graffiti and concrete landscape. There’s a half-pipe that’s good for kids just learning to ride, but otherwise, FDR is not a place for a kid to learn how to skateboard. Even though Avery is a confident skater and is familiar with the park and the concept of carving lines, we still always get there early to be out of the way by late afternoon.
Happy trunk.
Don’t be a victim.
A patient, older skater.
Conner and ice cream.
Dustin climbing out of a bowl.
Pop pop’s tired.
Dirt balls.
And, of course, I must mention food, right? After FDR, we headed into Chinatown for fabulous vegetarian lunches at Singapore :)
Check out our photos from the day here, http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikaelamartin/sets/72157600302119505/.
Happy birthday, monster!
We spent the morning at FDR skate park, stopping for lunch with Rodney at Kingdom of Vegetarians (where we had the best wonton soup EVER), back to FDR for a couple hours, then to Grandma Sam’s for a little family party with Avery’s dinner choice of vegetarian tacos and a cheesecake birthday cake. It was so wonderful to have everyone (little bro Aren, Leanne, Rodney, Brookie, John, Mike, Sam and Jason) there celebrating. And, of course, giving gifts! :P
I’d never been to Kingdom of Vegetarians before, which Rodney recommended - mistakenly as “Vegetarian Kingdom.” But, dude. Isn’t KINGDOM OF VEGETARIANS, so much cooler? Seriously. A kingdom? That would imply rulers. How do I get voted in? Man… I would own that wonton soup.
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